1. And it came to pass, on the fourteenth day of the first month in the year of our Lord two thousand and sixteen, the Cougars did again journey to the land of Spokane to go to battle against the warriors of Gonzaga.
2. Like unto their battle in the year previous, the Zags had received a national ranking. They had not earned as high a ranking as the year before, but they had obtained a respectable ranking of twenty-five, and I say unto you, the Cougars had no such ranking; therefore, they were not expected to be victorious, and some critics did mock and revile them.
3. Yet the Cougars did proceed with much confidence and a knowledge that their forefathers, led by Captain Tyler Haws, had defeated the Zags in the land of Spokane last year, yea, they believed they could do the same.
4. And the Cougars did fight with much valor, yet much to the dismay of the Cougs, the Zags did also show much fortitude in battle.
5. And with nine minutes and forty-five seconds remaining in the first half, the Triple Double King, Kyle Collinsworth, did proceed to sit on the bench, for behold, he had obtained two fouls. Woe, woe, woe unto the referees! Yet, the remaining Cougar warriors did take courage and did return to battle without him.
6. And behold, the Cougars were down by four points at the half.
7. Yet in the second half, Captain Collinsworth was permitted to return to battle. And he did fight valiantly and did obtain many points for the Cougars, yea, even twenty points. Yea, he was nigh unto unstoppable.
8. Yet behold, the Zags did obtain a large lead, yea, even a lead of thirteen points. Yet the Cougars did not surrender, for they knew the Lord was with them, and they did cut that lead down to one.
9. For with little time remaining in the battle, yea, only one minute and thirty-eight seconds, the mighty Nick Emery, who is but a freshman and had yet to score any points in this contest, did obtain the ball and did shoot it from a long distance; yea, I say unto you, it was from Jimmer range.
10. And the ball did go into the hoop to obtain three points for the Cougars, and there was much celebration among the other Cougar warriors, for BYU was now ahead by two points.
11. Yet the battle was not over.
12. Behold, despite having been wounded prior to a battle against the forces of evil, also known as the Utes, one year ago, the mighty Nate Austin did obtain a shirt of red and did return to battle with the Cougars again this season.
13. He did receive yet another battle wound being struck mightily in the head during the first half of this contest, yet he did gather his courage and continued to fight in the second half. And behold, this did become quite fortuitous for the Cougars.
14. For with only three seconds remaining in the battle, the Zag called Wiltjer did attempt to make a shot that, were he successful, would earn Gonzaga the victory.
15. But behold, the mighty Nate Rex Austin did rise up, and he knew the BYU Sports Nation Karma was with him, and he did jump with a hand held high and a mighty roar; and behold, he did swat the ball out of the air; therefore, it did not reach the basket.
16. Austin then did swiftly pursue the ball, yea, all the way to the sideline that the Zags did not lay hold on it again. Yea, he was fouled and did proceed to the free throw line with less than one second remaining in the battle.
17. Austin did not make the free throw, but behold, it mattereth not.
18. And Wiltjer did score thirty-five points in the battle, yea, a new career high, but behold, it mattereth not.
19. For the desperation full-court shot of the Zags did not go in. And behold, the buzzer did sound, and the Cougars did defeat the Zags once again in the Kennel. And there was much rejoicing among the Cougar faithful and in the land of Provo.
20. Yea, no other team in the Conference of the West Coast has ever defeated the Zags in their own land two years in a row since the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and ninety-six, save the Cougars.
21. But behold, the time is not far distant that there shall be another battle between the Cougars and the Zags; yea, it shall take place on the twenty-seventh day of the second month of the year of our Lord two thousand and sixteen in the land of Provo.
22. The Cougars shall be prepared and shall rise up again unto battle with courage and fortitude, prepared to obtain the West Coast Conference crown; and great shall be the battle thereof. And I say unto you, Go Cougs!